2009 Is Mine

Every year at this time it has become my habit to reassess my year and decide what I want for next year. My belief is that we must actively think about what we want; how possible it might be and the best way to make it happen.
My observation had been that even number years were easier for me. But more recently it seems to have switched to odd number years being better. So it has followed that this year 2008 had been a difficult year. My life it seems has turned to trouble shooting and putting out fires. The real estate investments, I was so sure the Universe had brought me to Arizona to make and hopefully bring me security for my retirement, have turned sour. During this year I have had two bad tenants in my two rental properties, fees and home owners Association dues have been raised and on the personal front I have hired and fired three women who were supposed to remake my website which included taking pictures of my work. I haven't really described my work yet on this blog, so without much description I will say I design beaded jewelry and teach how to design jewelry, a subject I have written two books about and traveled and lectured across the country during the last twenty years. All of these ladies disappointed me and my website never got updated. My thought is to resurrect my business. This is some of the bad news.
Some of the good news is that various people and things came to my rescue and that I made some new friends. Most of my new friends are women, though I would enjoy having a "good" man in my life that may be an oxymoron. I like women, I understand women and mostly I have been able to count on them. Two good men did come into my life, both in regard to financial dealings, both named Mike and they both helped me. The first Mike introduced me to the second Mike. The second Mike got me a reverse mortgage on my home, which in the end saved me in terms of being able to support my real estate while securing my own house and knowing I can stay here forever if need be. The second Mike's wife is a computer person and a photographer and we hit it off immediately. She is showing me all sorts of new computer tricks and sights while she takes wonderful pictures of my work and now I have a blog, a page of Facebook and shortly my new website will be finished and out in the world. I also have some of my jewelry on ETSY.com, a website for handmade art.
Back to the bad news which happened in the last two months. I had a physical yet non life threatening, health problem and two of my largest investments may have well died, at least as of now. There is some chance I will retrieve my investment and the lost interest, but if I do it may take a good long time. I face the challenge of living on a monthly budget of two-thirds less than what I was getting so I will have to dip into my savings just to keep my bills paid.
Back to good news, I did not need surgery to cure the health problem, I got a nice, new doctor, and I have some very special invitations to look forward to during the holidays and I have gotten some good gifts and nice cards. My health is good and I still enjoy doing my work.
My new slogan is "2009 is mine." I borrowed that from a friend with her permission. On the opposite side of money that is possibly gone, I accept the challenge of living on an austere budget for the moment, but I also am asking the Universe to return what is owed to me soon. I am prepared to do the work to resurrect my career, which has only faltered because of the economy and I have an important, prestigious teaching assignment for Swarovski Crystal in Tucson in early February that will be very successful. I plan to do more work to sell or rent the two homes that I own with my sister, though that as well is dependent on the economy. I think I am very clever at finding ways to save money and still entertain myself. I make a great pot of soup and enjoy eating it. I have a sweet cat to keep me company. I will survive and prosper. I plan to laugh as much as possible and have some fun.
It is an interesting time to be alive and though the world is troubled it will be fascinating to see what might be coming next how we will right ourselves.

Castles

When I was back in the Midwest two months ago I stayed with a woman who has been my friend for over thirty years. Before I moved to Arizona we worked together on some of my poetry for a possible book. While she herself is also a jeweler and loves my jewelry she is sure I should have some of my poetry published. Just after I left she called me with data about a free poetry contest she wanted me to enter. It limitation was one of the number of lines in the poem which excluded a good number of my poems as I never think about things like that, but rather just hold onto the pen as the poems write themselves like automatic writing. My main subjects are love and nature, so here is the poem that I sent off to the contest:


CASTLES


We are castles,
You and I.

You an ice castle
Impenetrable,
Transfixed in crystals.
Your windows frozen,
Refracting the light outwards;
I cannot see within.

I am a sand castle
Fashioned at low tide.
The wind whistles through my
Openness;
Playing a siren's song.
All within plain view.

We are poised and landlocked.
Derived of a common element,
Erect and contained.
Bound by water,
We await
High tide
And the thaw.



Let me know what you think….

A Short, Sweet Thanksgiving Story

Having invested a good portion of my money in physical real estate or real estate related investments. When I moved here from the Midwest, I was sure that the West was all about land and building, and that would insure my retirement. I am now caught up in the current down spiral in housing and credit and suffering financially. I have put myself on an austere saving budget.

Two Thanksgivings ago, I found myself entirely alone on a day that for all the history of my life had been filled with food and people. In the big, beautiful dining room of the house where I raised my children, I had fashioned an antique golden oak table and eight chairs. Over the years I had upgraded the room until it sparkled in its charm for the very purpose of hosting family and good friends for feasts and celebrations. I was my greatest pleasure to set that table with antique stemware and china, unique and elaborate centerpieces. Monthly trips to flea markets had stocked my cupboards with every kind of table and glass ware. Candlesticks were my special passion. Needless to say, there were many fond memories created in that room.

Last year I told the people in my life there was a possibility I might be alone and ending up spending Thanksgiving with a good friend and her husband's family. I did not know anyone, but as the day progressed I found myself at ease and enjoying the different stories of this family. The afternoon ended by us all playing a simple card game that was fun. I hardly noticed when suddenly it was dark outside and time to go home. It had been a good day.

This year I am sharing the day with a good friend whose husband died early in the year. We decided to split the cooking and this way we could taste each of our special dishes. She is doing the turkey breast, sweet potatoes, fruit compote and I am doing the stuffing, salad, apple-cranberry sauce and home made pumpkin pie. I have not cooked any of these in a number of years and I am looking forward to it.

Today I did my grocery shopping and the store was loaded with all the women whose job the big holidays are to get done. It was very busy and the woman in front of me in the check out line had a huge cart brimming with the big meal's fixings. I looked for a smaller line but every one was long. So I just relaxed and observed her unpacking her cart. She was very organized, which I commented on with her coupons and clipboard. She said she had an extra coupon for saving $10 if you spent $50. That sounded good to me, as I am on a strict no spending spree, but I did not think I had $50 dollars worth of groceries in my cart. Trying quickly to add them all up I decided maybe it was $50 and asked for the coupon. She gave it to me. As she finished she realized that she had two turkeys to buy, but could not use both of her coupons on the same order. I told her that I would buy the second turkey on my order using her coupon. The cashier, a woman, made no comment on our little collaboration. In the end, she got both her turkeys at a discount and by adding the turkey to order put it over $50 dollars, so I saved money as well. Outside the store she reimbursed me for the discounted turkey and we thanked one another and wished each other a Happy Thanksgiving.

Driving home this little incident made me smile. It was so easy to be generous and help one another. Each of us saved money. Women could probably run the world, especially the government that is now having so much trouble staying on a budget and helping people.

I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving filled with good food and good people.

Election ‘08

When I moved six years ago from Chicago to Arizona I noticed two things. First, I had not understood what it was going to be like to live in a border state whose population was integrated in different ways than it had been in the Midwest. In the Midwest racial lines seemed more defined or perhaps more ingrained, because I grew up there. In Arizona it seemed obvious that the climate was more natural to the Latinos because they were more used to it. In construction, gardening, or any exterior work we were dependent on their knowledge and stamina. In general, the entire population is more integrated here, including Asians and African-Americans, as well as Latinos. Over the last six years I have noticed that the entire world has become less color conscious, or at least I have.

I had been a Hillary Clinton supporter, but when she did not get the party’s nomination I knew I would have to think about who I was going to vote for. As I investigated McCain, I knew it could never be him. He had left his wife in a state of sickness to marry rich Cindy, a lack of loyalty to a woman who kept the campfires burning and raised the children all the time he was a prisoner of war. He was not in favor of a woman’s right to decide what would happen to her own body and would surely convert the Supreme Court to a conservative majority and overturn Roe vs. Wade if he could. He was too old and had been a Bush lover for the first six years until he saw public opinion finally turn against him and then he distanced himself in the hope of gaining the White House. I sensed that underlying anger in him and his need to control things. My final decision was made the first time I heard McCain and Palin speak together and each of them said they would invade Afghanistan and Iran and they had already stuck their two cents into Russia’s business in Georgia. That is what scared me the most… that they were warmongers. Then Sarah really scared me, winking like a beauty queen, using those common catchphrases. The woman was so for motherhood, yet at the same time she got into airplanes and killed animals with a shotgun! A big disconnect for me.

So I began to listen to Obama, who was a man I did not know much about. Yes, he spoke well and he was young enough and had not had a history of being unduly persuaded by the politics in the Senate. Perhaps less experience was a good thing in terms of not being jaded. I am a woman who has for most of her voting career voted against the person who scared me the most; so I slowly decided that this time it would have to be Obama who would get my vote. Interestingly enough the last few weeks I really began to like this man who was so cool under fire and steady in his vision. I must admit I got swept along by the growing tide rising in his favor and pouring out of every venue of communication. Though this election process went on for longer than I can ever remember, I was both exhausted and exhilarated by it.

Last night I could not leave the television as it followed me from room to room. I was really surprised by the huge lead and turnout of the voters. For the first time in many years I believed the candidate I had picked was the best one and he was going to win. It was such an overwhelming landslide and it was exciting as he doubled the electoral votes all along the way. Talk about mandates: this was more like a quiet revolution, and that is what we need after two terms of the other party taking us on a long and convoluted roller coaster ride of war and debacle. For the first time in a long time I felt my vote had been counted. Obama’s acceptance speech was smart and visionary. He included the people, and made us feel part of the process. He said he would make some mistakes, but he would work on doing his best for all the people. I got the feeling that he did not just want to be the first African-American president, but one who would go down in history, like Lincoln and FDR.

This morning on the View when Sherry got so emotional and told us that for the first time in her life she felt a part of America and could now tell her young son that anything was possible for a man of color…I was proud. I too, cried. I think we have all done a very good thing and I will do whatever part I can to make Barack Obama’s vision for a better America become a reality.

DRAMA...

The word and concept is DRAMA…do we have to have drama in our lives to feel as if we are alive? This underlying idea has impacted my life is several ways in the last few months:

I recently suggested at a book club meeting, as it pertained to the book we had just read, that we can meet a stranger and tell our whole life story, including intimate details to them. I used the example of going on a cruise or vacation and suddenly you are eating meals with strangers, making conversation and if you spend enough time with them soon you are telling them more than casual details. I have done this myself and whether it is the thrill of talking to people you might never see again or just having so much free time with new acquaintances, I am not sure, but it has happened and I think it can be exciting. After I expressed this thought another woman in the group got very nervous, even angry and suggested that she thought it was totaled wrong to tell personal things to strangers and she never would. That was when I made the insinuation that this is the very reason that we read books in the first place…to find out other people’s secrets. She did not reply. She would not even look at me and she left the group early. Obviously I had struck a nerve!

Now let me suggest that we not only will talk to strangers, but that we read romance novels, magazines and watch soap operas, go to movies, and even read the evening paper or listen to the nightly news because we need drama in our lives.

And we are very interested in other people’s secrets!

In the last several years, I have had more time to listen to friends. I find that I have attracted a lot of people who like to talk. Most of the time that is OK with me as I work for myself and can have lunch or an extended phone conversation if a friend needs my ear…I try to be there for my friends. I have also run into a couple of “drama queens.” One in particular that I listened to endlessly until I decided I would tell her the absolute, unadulterated truth as I saw it and if she could stand to hear that our friendship might work. After a year of my unvarnished opinions, nothing much had changed and I concluded that she was addicted to the drama she created in her own life and got off by retelling it over and over. She never solved her problems she just found new groups to join and new people to tell her dramas to. I stopped calling her back!

Interestingly enough, a new drama has just entered my life and I am beginning to wonder if I have a sign written on my back that I don’t know about, but everyone else can read. Do I need other people’s drama, because I don’t have enough of my own? Or perhaps, after further thought the philosophical answer might be this: I went through a very traumatic and dramatic time in my life and people came to my aid with information and help, even strangers and students of mine that I did not solicit, came to aid and advise me, so perhaps now that I am more settled and hopefully wiser, it is time for me to return the favor and that is why these people are coming into my life. Most of these people are passing through and I think that is how life is, so it my turn to “be there” and be a sounding board, advice giver or mentor in their dramas.

I do not think I can live without a certain amount of drama in my life…perhaps no one can. What do you think?

Pretty

I have been reading some of my poetry to my new friend Amanda, and this is her current favorite, so I am printing dedicating it to her and putting it where all of you as well can read it.

PRETTY

I inherited pretty…in the same way it was passed down to my mother.

It came softly in unspoken messages;

Subtle as summer breeze, so we hardly noticed

When it surrounded us and became a way of life.

We cultivated pretty…weeding out what was not,

Ruthless as any gardener,

Selectively nurturing the rose that might grow into a prize.

In our manner and dress, always agreeable, we became noticed.

Never really asking for permission, yet gaining entrance,

Pretty brought us what no amount of education or boldness ever could.

We collected “pretties” amassing things,

Gilding the cages that kept us from freedom;

The freedom of knowing who we really were

Or what we might become.

Pretty is an illusion, both theirs and ours.

Pretty seduced us in the same way we learned

To seduce the men we thought would liberate us,

And we both were deceived.

Pretty kept us prisoners,

Pretty always has a price.

Pretty is learning new definitions.

I notice women now, in this new century, and they are not so pretty.

They seem to be more honest,

And to know more about themselves and the world.

Pretty is as pretty feels!

Pretty is what we develop on the inside of each of us

Where it feels good and that is where it should be.

Look for it there.

Life Truths

Now is the time of year that a lot of my friends pray and contemplate great ideas. I want to send them my wishes for a happy New Year and also list some of the ideas that I contemplate.

15 LIFE TRUTHS

1 You cannot make someone love you.

2 The greatest irony is that no two people are at the same place in their lives at the same time.

3 The time, energy, expense and love of raising children is a completely selfless act. It will never be repaid to you by them as adults…so know that going in.

4 Surviving your childhood and figuring out who your parents are will take half of your life, but it is a journey each of us must take.

5 Without asking ourselves the difficult questions and trying to answer them we have missed the point of our journey as human beings.

6 All knowledge is self knowledge and as long as we live we must keep learning.

7 We don’t know what we know until we know it and then we can never overlook or forget it.

8 Love is the answer…not the question. Love is a verb.

9 Take note of what and who comes into, stays or goes out of your life because everything happens for a reason and it is our task to figure out what the reason is.

10 Time is precious, use it well and find the balance between working, playing, loving and observation.

11 Learn to feed the body, the soul, the mind and the spirit and be with people who will share this habit.

12 Sleep, comfort, nurturing and companionship will sustain and lengthen your life.

13 Chasing money or trying to control others will sap your strength and not bring you the happiness or power you envisioned it would.

14 Happy memories are the basis of a good old age.

15 Creating something with your hands is one of the most satisfying things you can do.

Please enjoy inspirational photography by Amanda Manfredi at her blog www.amandamanfredi.com